sin
by modern romance
Summary: i suppose he's always been there...
1. release

-1This is me trying something new. I have no idea what direction this story's going to go in…bear with me.

this chapters warnings: none. my random ramblings is all.

xxx

i suppose **he's** always been there. when i'm **staring** into the mirror. through a thick impenetrable fog that i cannot possibly begin to understand, slipping in and out of my line of vision - **at** what?. i though he was toying with **me**, with the idea of taking over my body. I was afraid.

who was he? was he a part of me, or perhaps a demented plaything i invented as i child? i do not know, nor remember. i was an over imaginative child, and still am. should i let him have his way? no. never.

i can remember the first time **i** heard his voice. calling me softly, sweetly. at first, i thought i left the television on - but no. there he was, his voice echoing in my head and crashing against my skull in a bittersweet fashion. i didn't know what to do. run? hide? apparently, he could hear my thoughts and found this amusing, for a coarse laugh suddenly began going off in my head. i wanted to **cry**.

he would do that for a few days. **call** my name, **patiently** waiting for me to answer. i never did. what would i be doing if i did answer? talking to myself, a schizophrenic crazyalbino?or would it be tempting the beast within?

i was not able to hold him in for long. he was so patient, so calculating, cold. he would begin calling my name again when i was relaxed, causing me to become rigid with fear, contemplating my options, which were few.

and then...**i let him go**.

inserting a rusty old key, pushing open a creaky door. forgetting what redemption and sin meant to me.

it was a **terrible** mistake. from his gentle tone of voice, i expected a kitten. what i got was a dragon of a **spirit**, violently pushing my soul into a dark chamber of my mind, laughing gruffly as i protested. i have yet to remember what he did that day, and i am terribly afraid to find out. my body was never the same, what with the random spasms i could never hope to control. where is he now…?

xxx

so! who noticed what i did? huh? huh? reviews 3


	2. reflection

-1Oh dear, sweet reviewers, please feel free to hit me over the head with a greased frying pan. I meant to update this sooner - really. Honestly. Don't look at me like that.

Hidden message? Probably. Does it make sense? Probably not.

On that note, sorry for the lack of capitalizations. I understand that it was probably…annoying. Finally got a new keyboard. Yay. Now if only we could reach a negotiation about this ol' computer…

**xxx**

'Ryou.'

He's calling me - again. For the past few days, I have carefully planned my schedule, not allowing even a moment's free time, only sleeping when I am about to fall over so I don't lie in bed and think. I do not want to talk to him again - ever. Not after…

…_suck in breath I can't breathe where's the oxygen gone is that glass breaking my skin -_

But I'm not thinking about that.

'Yes you are.'

God! I wish he would stop talking to me!

'Quit clutching your head and look in the mirror.'

I'm afraid to. What if I don't see me? What if I see _him?_ Oozing through my pores and taking control of my body…forever. What would happen to me? Would I stay locked up in that tiny room in my mind where I cannot breathe and it smells like burning hair? Where the walls feel like broken glass?

'Stop asking stupid questions and look in the mirror.'

I'm not asking him, though. I'm just…thinking. Is thinking such a crime? That thought gives me a sudden spoonful of courage, which I quickly seize before I am forced to continue living like an abused dog.

"No."

My voice is raspy and surprises me. I haven't been out of the house ever since I found out about…him. I've had no reason to use it.

And just as quickly as it came, my courage is gone.

'Damnit Ryou, look in the mirror!'

There are not many options for me at this point. Either I look in the mirror and satisfy this insane voice's wants, or I face the consequences. I am especially afraid of him - he's in my mind. Where I am most vulnerable. He knows my thoughts, so he must know my fears and weaknesses. It is very different from your typical school bully.

I look in the mirror.

And I cannot help but utter a cry and squeeze my eyes shut at what I see looking back at me.

That is not my reflection.

Is that what _he _looked like? From his quick glance at his supposed reflection, he supposed they looked the same. Same color hair, eyes, and skin. But that's where the similarities stopped. _He _had a sadistic glint in his eyes, in which Ryou could not relate to at all. _His _hair seemed to have a callous mind of its own, not the downy soft stuff that sat upon Ryou's head. Even his smile was not a smile, but a mouth twisted upwards into an insane smirk.

And worst of all, he was under his skin. In his mind. Even on his face, apparently. He clutched at his head again, tightly holding onto locks of white hair. Nonono. That was _not_ the thing that was taking over his body when he stopped to linger. That was it - he just wouldn't stop to relax anymore. He would work and he would occupy himself with various tasks. That has kept the voice at bay before, so why not now?

'You cannot run away Ryou…I'm in your mind, remember…?'

He wanted to die.

**xxx**

Yes, I realize I do switch point of views without warning in the middle. -shrug- Sorry 'bout that less-than-professionalism…thing. Reviews loved.


	3. Reevaluation

-1yay. another chapter. that I refuse to look at because I do not like it.

Anywho, I will be moving out of the country, so please don't be too mad if I don't update immediately. Although, knowing me, I'll probably be bored on the plane and begin scribbling in a tiny notebook.

**xxx**

His name is _Bakura_.

I woke up in the middle of the night and just…knew that. Then I couldn't go back to sleep due to _Bakura _whispering nonsense to me all night. Doesn't he need to sleep, whatever he is?

I suspect he's simply a figment of my imagination. Does that make me schizophrenic? Possibly. Must go to the library and find out.

Which would require leaving the house. Something I haven't done since _Bakura _made his presence known. We - I - certainly have enough food to last for at least another month.

He hates me. Hates me for looking like him and being so weak. When I cower or my eyes cloud over, I can hear him hissing something in a language I don't even think exists anymore.

According to him, I am his outward reflection. He says the world will seem him as me - but I do not understand. Do _they_ know that _Bakura _exists? No, they don't.

_Bakura _is scaring me. He takes control of my body, but does not understand the modern world. So he experiments.

Today I woke up with a large burn across my thigh - it hurts more than anything I've ever felt before. I don't know how he got it, or what from.

It is time for me to reevaluate my options. I cannot live with this…_Bakura _anymore. He is all I ever think about, despite the lack of room in my head for me to think. Every minute I live seems to be becoming a more difficult struggle - will he leave the house? will he kill someone? …will he kill me? - only resulting in him being able to take control of my body much more easily.

I know in the back of my mind he wouldn't kill me.

If he killed me, where would he be? There would be nowhere for him to go; perhaps he would die as well. I certainly wouldn't shed any tears over him - he doesn't exist! I'm a schizo! He's just a voice in my head that takes it a bit too far.

This gives me an idea.

**xxx**

reviews are loved. :)


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